Ted Talk 126: If I Know What I Need to Do, Why Can’t I Just Do It …

Podcast Transcription: If I Know What I Need to Do, Why Can’t I Just Do It …  

Ted Ryce:  We’re going to talk about some lessons that you can use in your life, to hopefully shift your perspective to a more powerful place.

And if this is your first time listening to the show, welcome, welcome to the Legendary Life podcast. What we do here is, we break down science-based information on how to lose fat, prevent disease, and live a longer, healthier, legendary life.

But on Real Talk Fridays, it’s more of a mindset thing. Then you might ask, well, why would you focus on mindset if this is all about health? Because most of what people focus on, how many grams of protein should I eat? What are the super foods that I should include in each meal? What are the other things should I be inhaling like that oxygen thing that I saw some biohacker doing?

A lot of that’s procrastination, a lot of that is getting away from doing the work, and focusing on the cool shiny objects, to make you feel like you’re doing something, when in reality, you’re just fucking around. How do I know? Well, I’ve been there personally. So, if you like today’s episode, go ahead and click subscribe to wherever you listen to this podcast.

Let’s move into the topics of today.What happens to so many of us, and this is the first lesson I want to share today, is that we push the pause button. One thing, let me tell you, let me explain this concept like this. So, in my coaching program, there is no pressing the pause button, “Oh, Ted, that’s not very nice, what if something happens?” Look, if someone died in the family, if someone ended up in the hospital with a broken leg, for extreme circumstance, we would, of course, revisit this.

But I’ll tell you, for the most part, we push people to stay in it, because what do people want to do? They want to give up on themselves, “I’ll just come back to this, I don’t have the time, I’m working so much, I’ve got the kids at home, I’m homeschooling, my boss is asking me to do a lot more work.” It’s like, well, why aren’t you setting better boundaries?

That is the biggest bullshit excuse that there is. You have to put yourself first, because you’re not even doing, you’re not even being that productive. Your kids are getting a lesser version of yourself, and that’s what you’re teaching them, by the way. And this is what I refer to as the all or nothing mindset, I’m either all in, or I’m not doing shit. And that is the pattern that I force people to break out of. There ain’t no pressing the pause button.

Oh, but I’m going on vacation, I’m doing this, I’m doing that. Good, do what you can on vacation, learn how to step the fuck up. no matter what the situation is, learn how to do something always.

You never stop putting yourself, or making self-care. And isn’t it interesting, that it’s the stuff that we want to give up that is good for us. So, we give up focusing on healthy foods, and what do we do? We end up fatter, and looking in the mirror in the morning, and being unhappy with ourselves. And that unhappiness translates to your relationships at work, to your relationships with your children, to your relationship with your partner.

And you’re wondering why your life ain’t going the way you want it to. I mean come on. And the funny part is, this happens to the smartest of people. The smartest of people do this, because they’re intellectually very on the ball, but emotionally a wreck. How do I know? Well, I’ve been there. I’ve had to learn this stuff myself. And I want to tell you, if you haven’t heard, it’s been a struggle to find time to put myself first.

And what ends up happening is we catch emotions from each other. This isn’t woo-woo nonsense talk. This is more or less scientific fact, and/or at the very least, an observable phenomenon. And if I’m radiating anger, resentment, angry at myself, feeling guilty, and I show up, what do I have to give? That is what I’m giving, that is your gift. The emotional, the level of consciousness that you’re operating on.

We’re going to dive deeper into this one. Because this is something that I see so many people, they make mistakes with, and they end up that they don’t know why their life isn’t better, even when they have money, even when they have a good family, even when they have so many things going for them, they don’t realize, like, why don’t I feel better about it? Well, because you don’t feel good, because you’re not taking care of you. It’s really so simple.

So, stop being that “all or nothing” person, always find a way to make time for yourself. It should be unacceptable for you to do that, unacceptable.

And I see that’s what people always want to do, is give up on themselves, on the things that help them the most. And I asked my therapist about this, in case you’re new, I’m in therapy once a week. Oh, you must be so messed up to be in therapy. That’s kind of the—I guess, the stigma attached to it, except I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks, because my business is making money, I’m happier than I’ve ever been, because that’s the type of life I’ve created for myself. And it was because I stepped up and started doing the things that worked, which is the next lesson I want to share with you.

I’m in therapy once a week, why? Because very simple, I’ve got a good therapist or coach, and every time I talk with her, especially if I’m feeling in a triggered state, I feel better, I feel more disconnected from the triggering emotions, and more objective, more able to see it, the situation for what it is. It puts me in control. And so, for 6 months, I’ve been doing a session once a week. And I attribute my business success, my relationship success with my ex-wife, she’s in therapy once a week too, and I spend money on it.

And I’ll tell you, when the quarantine happened, because we had a business kind of explosion during the quarantine. And our business is getting even better, because gyms are closed down, and people are really unhappy. I’m trying to help you get unhappy, but guess what? The unhappiness, great for business, the gym’s closing down, great for business, and most people won’t be able to do it on their own—this is the truth—including myself, which is why I’m in therapy once a week.

I mean, I can struggle through and trip over my own feet, and fall on my own face, and get back up and whine and complain about why I’m not lucky. Or I can just talk to someone who helps me get clarity, and sees things in a different perspective, and helps me take different actions, and pay for it. I choose that, really simple.

I’m also part of an entrepreneur ship group, and guess what? Being a real struggle to stay on top, I’m behind on the modules. I’m not a good student in that way, right? I’m actually most of the time a great student. But I’ve really, you could say “messed up” in the entrepreneurs group. But guess what? I hung in there, and I’m catching up, and I’m behind, but I’m catching up. I’m forcing myself to catch up.

And a lot of that is the power of—well, before I start to talk about the power of focus, I want to stay on this topic of knowing what works for you. When I’m showing up to the coaching calls for the entrepreneurs group, when I’m going over the information, again, it helps me perform at a higher level. I’m putting these ideas in my mind that weren’t there, helping me look at things different, helps me with these podcasts, helps me with my clients, which is good for business. And which is good for the world, because if I can affect my clients in a positive way, if I can affect you in a positive way, that’s going to ripple out.

If I can help you raise your level of consciousness, raise the level of emotions that you’re operating on, from fear, uncertainty, hate, anger, to more of like love, acceptance, tolerance, I mean, I don’t know if you call those emotions or not, but I’m just going to roll with it. To tolerance, to being okay with people thinking or doing things differently than you, being okay even when the world is not okay, then that’s great for everyone.

So, I know what works for me—also exercise, also meditation. I meditated this morning, woke up too early, meditated, ended up falling back asleep actually.

Great, because when you meditate, what meditation does is it calms down stress hormones, and then you can be yourself when the stress hormones are down. That is really you, not that super triggered person. That’s what meditation does. It allows more of the real you to come out, because when stress hormones are high, you’re not acting like you, you’re acting like the worst version of yourself.

Well, except in those times where you need the stress, like in a martial arts class, or lifting heavy weights, or doing high intensity interval training, you need the stress to be high. Working intensely on a project, delivering a presentation to a bunch of people, the stress hormones should be a little high. You actually need them for performance.

But when they’re high all the time, the worst part of you is showing up, because it doesn’t need to be that way. So, going back to knowing what works for you, what works for you? I’m sharing right now, what works for me in my life. What works for you in your life?

Write a list right now if you’re not sure, think about it, press pause on this episode, and write things down. What do you need to perform at your best? Because when you’re able to put yourself in a peak emotional state, you get peak performance, really simple. You’re going to make more money, your relationships with your kids, partner, significant other, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, whatever are going to be better.

Relationships with your friends are going to be better, relationships with your family, they’re going to be better. Those are the people who just seemingly get lucky, because they’re attracting it in their life. So, what do you need to do to put yourself in that position? And if you know what you need…Now, some of you don’t know, and you need to do this exercise to get the awareness. Or you need to experiment with things to start to figure it out, because I’ve got my recipe for success, it’s how I’ve got here. You need to find yours, or need to be in a situation where someone is helping you find yours.

Now, some of you know the recipe for success for yourself, but you don’t do it. Why don’t you do it? Because you put other people first, because you lack boundaries, because you lack self-love, maybe, or self-acceptance, if you want to put that in there. Maybe you feel you don’t deserve it. Maybe you feel if you give more of yourself to other people, so you’re operating on a four or five, and if you give a point or two away to other people, that you’ll get that love back, that acceptance back. When really, it’s an inside job.

Want more people to love you? Love yourself first. Want more people to accept you? Accept yourself first. It’s ironic that the less we rely on other people for those things, the more we get from them. Again, because you’re radiating at a different…and I know this sounds woohoo, but I want you to think about it, if you’re walking around angry, and then every conversation you have that’s angry, how do things go for you at work? How do things go for you at home? How do things go for you with your interactions on Facebook?

Versus when you’re in a great mood, you’re operating from joy, fulfillment, love, whatever the positive emotions you’re feeling, whatever…Had to take a little break there, because someone started mowing the grass, but we don’t give up, we press… I was going to say we press the pause after saying not to press the pause. But what I meant was, we do what we need to, and we come back as soon as we can.

Now, in this case, I had to press the pause, otherwise you would have heard the lawnmower outside.

So, anyway, ask yourself, are you operating from positive emotions? And ask yourself, what happens when you radiate those positive emotions? What is the feedback that you get from the people in your life? That’s what this is about. And doing the things that help you get into that great emotional state, that peak emotional state, because you get so much more, you get so much better results when you’re able to do that.

Now, I want to talk about focus, because this is a huge part of it. I think Tony Robbins said, ‘Where your focus goes, your energy flows.” And I want to ask you right now where your focus is? Now, obviously if you’re listening to this, your focus is here, or is it? Are you listening to this and doing other things? Which is okay, I listen to podcasts while I’m doing other things, while I’m exercising. I think that’s a smart choice.

But does your mind start to wander, do you start to listen to this and start to check your phone, and do emails, and then your focus shifts away from the words that I’m saying, to the words that you’re reading, or maybe you’re looking at some news online, or on Facebook, or at some news site. Where is your focus? How much control do you have over it? Where is the focus of the people around you? What are they talking about?

Oh, did you see, they’re tearing down statues in America. They’re tearing down the history of America. That’s where your focus is. What can you do to stop that? Go out there and start to pull the statues back up? Start to sign a petition to not tear down the statues, that’s about it. And if you’re one of the people who want the statues torn down, what do you think that’s going to do for you?

This is an inside job people. Tearing down more statues, guess what? Those people they’re going to tear them down, and they’re still going to have those negative emotions inside, because it wasn’t about the statues to begin with. And I’m not saying, I’m not trying to be political here, all I’m trying to say is that tearing down those statues, it might make someone feel better for a moment, but what happens after the statues are down, and they’re still feeling that negative feeling?

And if you’re upset about the statues being torn down, for example, I’m just using this as an example, is that really the best use of your time, your emotional energy? Is it putting you into a bad emotional state? Is it really what you need to be focusing on? Are there kids that need your attention and love? Is there a work that needs to be done? Is there a partner that needs you to be there for them?

Is there a family that needs less of you talking about the political situation, no matter what side you’re on? And more of you stepping the fuck up, and being there and giving them what they really need. Which isn’t how pissed off you are about the political situation. How’s that working for your relationship? Or if you’re not a political person, kind of like me, I’m really just focused on being the president of my life, of my family, of my business.

Then maybe you’re focused on the Coronavirus, and the openings, the closings, the should you wear a mask? Should you not wear a mask? Maybe that’s where you’re at. And again, is that what your family needs? Is that what your partner needs? Is that what your children need? Is that what your profession, career, or business needs? I’d argue no. Why? Why would I say that? Easy, look at the return on investment.

One of my clients told me a great, great thing the other day. Shout out to you Jeff, and I know I mentioned this before, but I’m going to mention it again, because it’s such a powerful lesson. A powerful but simple lesson. He said probably the number one thing that you’ve done for me, is that you helped me focus on results. Because that is really the only question you need to answer yourself.

“I’m trying to improve my relationships.” Great, what are the results of your efforts so far? What are the results of your strategy so far? If the answer is, it ain’t good. Then what you’re doing ain’t working. I’m trying to improve being a father, or a mother, husband, or wife. Great, what are the results of that? Are you having more positive experiences? Are there more smiles? Are there more great moments?

Because if the answer is no, then what you’re doing ain’t working. If you’re trying to lose weight, and you’re working really hard, and the number on the scale has been the same for weeks, it ain’t working, it’s really that, it’s so simple.

If you’re working really hard, trying to make more money, and there’s nothing—you can’t tell in the bank, you can’t tell on your check, or whatever, it’s not working.

Being results oriented, it’s going to change your life. It’ll save you so much time, energy and bullshit, be results oriented, and drop the ego. I’m doing everything right. No, you’re not, because you’d get results if you did. We’re not talking about trying to build a billion-dollar company, we’re not talking about being the number one couple in the world. That, you might try and fail, and you may never get.

You’re not trying to be the number one parent in the world, like compared to all the parents ever. But you better be doing something that gets results, that’s all this is about. And as you get results, and start to learn what works, and what doesn’t, kind of like what we talked about in the beginning, you do more of the things that get you results, and less of the things that don’t.

And personally, I don’t, it’s so funny, people get into… I rarely say political stuff, I just use the political examples, because other people care about it. It’s just something that triggers people, so I’m like, “Okay, I can get their attention if I talk about this.”

I’m not so into politics, just because I feel… I like things that I get results from, and getting angry about politics, it’s just, I don’t get anything. The results that I get from that just, they’re not great. And that’s an understatement. So, I don’t focus on things that don’t give me a return on my investment, time, money, energy, whatever. It’s really simple. Because where your focus goes, your energy flows.

And if your energy is flowing into something you feel powerless about, or angry about, and it’s putting you in a negative emotional state, and you’re not getting any return from it, then what the hell are you doing? So simple. We don’t need to make personal development so complicated, or improving your life so complicated.

When we change, other people change, especially if we’re in a leadership position, especially if we have respect and love from the people around us. It is all about us stepping up. So, if your focus is being taken away from those things that help you step up and show up as the best version of yourself, why are you doing that?

And the answer to all of this. Why aren’t you doing the things that help you perform the best? Why aren’t you focusing on the things that help you show up the best way possible? And it’s easy, because you lack emotional regulation. Your emotions are running you, not the other way around. And that’s being a human being, and that’s okay.

And another thing I would say about this, is it’s a rough go. I used to be out of control emotionally, I’m surprised, and this is honestly the truth. I’m not in prison for getting into a really nasty fight. I’m surprised I’d never spend time in prison for some of the decisions that I’ve made. Now, I’ve never been in a fight in my adult life. Nearly got into some, but thankfully, I was able to control my emotions enough to say, you know what? This is really not worth doing this.

Now, self-defense, that’s another situation, but these ego arguments that we get into, and feel like, you know, it just… I’m surprised, I used to be so poor emotionally regulating myself. I got so many speeding tickets in my 20s that I showed up to court, right? And the way it works, at least in Florida, you show up to court, and what happened to me is, they were just like, ah, you were speeding, how about this? You pay this amount of money, and we won’t give you any points on your license.

And that happened a bunch of times, but one time, this judge looked at my record, looked at everything, like you are doing this over and over and over again, you’re going to have to pay for it. I forget exactly what happened, but she didn’t let me off for just paying a little bit of money and getting out of it. I had to go to driving school to avoid points on my license. Because I kept speeding, it was me, I was the problem, I knew I had bad road rage, cured it, don’t have it anymore, I’m driving all the time now, people cut me off, I’m in south Florida, we drive like maniacs. But I don’t get triggered by it anymore. I don’t even think about it anymore.

Well, that’s not completely true, I start to see myself sometimes slipping back into old patterns when I’m stressed or triggered, or whatever. It’s been a crazy past few weeks, and then I back off again. I’m like, “Oh yeah, I’m speeding a little bit here, let me slow down. I’m driving a little bit faster than, and more aggressively than I need to.” But before, I was like speed racer in that car, everywhere I would go, I was rushing, rush, rush, rush. People would cut me off, I got really angry. Why don’t you drive better? And me, I was driving poorly too, so, it was just like, I was part of the problem.

But then I started working on emotional regulation, started really working on it. And the things that I mean, or I made sure that I was doing things in my life that I was really happy about. So, for example, I was very unhappy with personal training all those millionaires back in Miami beach. I felt like it was a great gig to begin with, but I was over it, I wanted to do the podcast, I wanted to do coaching, and now I’m doing it.

I made that dream a reality, and guess what? I’m better off for it. I wanted to make a certain amount of money, because I was tired of struggling month to month, guess what? I did that, and now I have a load off my shoulders. I never meditated before, I felt addicted to exercise, and then I started learning how to regulate my emotions with meditation, it changed the game for me.

Started doing therapy, like I’ve talked over and over and over again. Guess what changed the game for me? I’m in an entrepreneur coaching group, changes the game for me. I’m actually getting ready for the call right after this.

And the last thing I want to tell you here is, if you are a person who is struggling with this stuff, invest in help, that doesn’t mean hire me, although it could, but you have to figure out what you need.

You know what I do if you’ve been listening to this for a while, it may not be what you need. In fact, on that breakthrough call, that every potential client gets on with me, you can’t just sign up, you can’t click a button and join the coaching group, you speak with me. One of the questions I ask you is like, I ask you what’s going on, and why you want to sign up, or why you’re interested?

And then I ask you, why not something else? Maybe you shouldn’t even be listening to this podcast, maybe you need more financial help, maybe focusing on health is running away from your finances. You’re overspending your debt, maybe focusing on your health and fitness is you running away from the relationships that you have in your life, the relationship you have with your wife, or with her husband, or with your children.

And you run to eating healthy, “eating healthy and exercise,” instead of doing what will really make you healthy, which is stepping up and fixing those relationships. Improving those relationships in your life. I don’t have the answers, you do, I’m just trying to get you to think about them. Because again, focus is so powerful, if you’re like, “No, I just got to get in better shape.”

Well, you need to exercise, you need to focus on eating healthy foods, but how much focus do you need on it, compared to the other aspects of your life? That’s the question that I want you to think about. Why are you focused on this? Is it the right thing for you?

But if you shouldn’t be working on your health and fitness, then why aren’t you working on those other things? If you know what needs to be done, why aren’t you doing it? And if you know that you’re not able to do it on your own, because you said, “Oh, I can do it on my own,” but over the past 6 months, you haven’t done Jack shit. Why aren’t you investing in help? Why are you sabotaging yourself?

And if you’re not doing any of the above, and if you’re looking for the next level, well, that’s easy, then you’re probably already invested with people, you’re probably already working with people.

So, that’s all I got for you today, well, I could keep talking, but I really want you to think about this, I really want you to think about what you need. And I want you to take action on it, and maybe taking action on it is getting help, for you to take action on it. Putting some skin in the game, stop saying that you can do it, when obviously your track record shows that you can’t.

Like me trying to build my business, you think I was successful building my business? Because I figured it out from listening to podcasts, and reading free blog posts. No, I work with people, I hired a coach. Think I’m going to take my business from 6 figures to 7 figures, with a couple of free YouTube videos on how to take your business from 6 figures to 7 figures, ain’t going to happen, I’m going to hire someone.

The fastest way to achieve the next level results in the fastest amount of time. Oh, but it costs so much money. Money solves problems with speed, that’s what I’ve learned, so that’s what I do. So, what do you need to solve with speed in your life? That’s the question that I want to leave you with, love you guys, hope you have a great weekend, and stay tuned for next Monday,  So, look forward to that on next Monday.