Ted Talk 111: Black Friday Special: Invest In Yourself Instead Of Material Things

Podcast Transcription: Black Friday Special: Invest In Yourself Instead Of Material Things  

Ted Ryce: Oh, Black Friday’s coming, and I want to ask you what is on your Black Friday list? Are you going to get new furniture? New clothes? A new car? A new MacBook? Oh, Apple never goes on sale, right? What is it that you’re going to buy? A new watch? Electronics? A new TV? And how excited are you about buying that thing? Really excited, right?

But I want to ask you, what did you buy last Black Friday that you were so excited about? Or the Black Friday before that? Or before that, depending on when the last time you made a big purchase was? I don’t know. It’s been a little crazy with COVID, right? And I want to ask you this; when you bring to mind that thing, how happy are you about that purchase now?

Does it still light you up inside a year later, two years later, three years later? Are you still as happy having it as you were when you were really thinking about buying it? That’s what we’re going to be talking about today, that trap that we all fall into, and what to do differently if we really want to change ourselves, change not just our state, but our traits, in other words become better versions of ourselves. That’s the discussion for today.

So welcome back to the show. I’m your host Ted Ryce, coach to busy professionals and business owners, and I want to tell you, before I became a coach and do—before I started my business and do what I do now, I was a personal trainer in Miami, Miami Beach specifically, lived over 20 of my 20 years, 19 years there, and I became a personal trainer at 22.

And let me tell you, I worked with some very wealthy individuals. $20 million mansions. I was hanging out in $20 million mansions on the ocean, not on Star Island, but on Sunset Island? I don’t even remember anymore. Sunset Island, I think. And these islands around Miami Beach where all the houses are.

I used to hang out in them, and I used to be all into that, and what type of watch should I get? I fell into that trap where I was always wanting… I wanted certain things out of life. I wanted certain things from other people. I wanted more clients. I wanted more respect from my clients. I wanted more respect from other people. I wanted better relationships with women.

I wanted women to think I was hot and sexy. You know, like, “Oh, wow, that’s a man I want to date.” I wanted that type of reaction. Or from guys like, “Oh, I want to work with that guy. he’s a winner.” And so what did I do? Well, I spent a lot of money on stuff. I had a BMW X5, I had a $300…A $300? I keep messing these numbers up. That’s kind of maybe a Freudian slip, as to like how much value I put on some of this stuff now.

I had to had a $3,000 leather couch, I had a $4,000 Tag Heuer watch, many, many thousands of dollars in clothes. I did the Diesel jeans, the True Religion jeans. I wasn’t dropping $600 a pair of Prada jeans, but I spent a lot of money on John Varvatos jeans, 300 bucks a pair. I would spend a lot of money on this stuff. Shoes. I had $900 shoes from Dolce Gabbana at one point, and I spent money on this stuff, a lot of money, right?

And I was not doing that well financially. I mean, of course well enough to afford those things and still pay my rent, pay to keep the lights on. But I really stretched to do it financially, and I was carrying around debt like most people. And the worst part was I didn’t get the results that I wanted. Even though one of my clients, he got in my car one day, he’s like, “Nice car, Ted.” I mean, the guy has a driver and a Rolls-Royce Ghost, I believe. And that was kind of nice. But that’s the only compliment I ever got.

And of course, I was broke, so I can say this, right? But the broke people in Miami Beach thought it was cool, but nobody ever really…They thought I had a cool car, but it didn’t really change that much for me. It wasn’t like, “Whoa, cool car, man. Let me refer clients to you.” It never really worked for me, that strategy. And I’m guessing you’ve done a lot of the same things. You probably have a nice car, maybe you bought it, maybe you’re leasing it, paying those big chunks of cash and can’t wait to lease the new one.

But if you think about when you got the one that you have that really changed your world, it was nice when you drove it for maybe the first day week, month, year even. But after a while, it just becomes your car. I like my X5, it was comfortable, I prefer it to the rental cars that I get now, because I don’t even own a car, but it never really changes your life. And if you buy a lot of clothes, a lot of it, especially if you’re struggling with your weight, you can’t even wear them.

You’ve probably have how many thousands of dollars’ worth of clothes in your closet that you don’t even fit into anymore, but you don’t want to throw them away. And then you’re going to buy more? And what about the TV? And here’s what I want to tell you. That’s the trap of not just society, but the way we’re wired as human beings.

I was looking into this, and I didn’t find too much compelling research on it, but it’s pretty clear that our brains, our innate wiring as human beings, we value stuff over experiences, at least at a superficial level. In other words, it’s like, “Hey, do you want to hire a coach?” “Ahh…” “Hey, how about the new MacBook.” “Ah!” Both are thousands of dollars; one’s going to change your life, one’s just like a gadget. And it’s not going to change your life; might have, in fact, there’s going to be some things that you like about it, and then some things you don’t like about it.

In fact, that was a conversation I had with someone who wanted to become a client. Now I talked to a lot of people. I’m on breakthrough calls all the time. But it still blows me away sometimes. So, this person, when they started the conversation, he was talking about the new MacBook and how excited he was to get it. And then we got into the conversation about how he really was desperate to change his body, like, it was affecting him big time. It was really something he wanted to change.

And guess what, by the end of the call, he didn’t do it. Why? Too much money. Hmm. But the MacBook? Oh, I bet he has that one or pre-ordered it or whatever. I don’t even know if it’s… I like nice stuff, too, but I don’t want to say evolved. I don’t want to come across as talking down to people because as I said, I’ve been deep in this line of thinking, but what I want to tell you is the trap. I’ve escaped the trap, I think is a better way of saying it, I escaped the trap.

And the trap is this: the wiring of our brain along with society, what does society tell you? What do the advertisement – advertisements, if you’re from across the pond—tell you? If you’re a guy, buy this car, women will like you. Kind of feeling a little bored, look how exciting this food is, this hamburger is. Ads for food are just crazy. For women, it’s makeup clothes. It’s just constant. And if it’s not on TV, it’s on social media. And man, people are making a lot of money off of it.

We are consumers. Not only do we consume those things: clothes, cars, watches, we consume other things, too. We consume a lot of food. We consume a lot of drugs. I was watching Narcos, Mexico—I actually stopped watching it. It was like, “I don’t need to watch people get tortured over drugs.” But you’re watching it, and there was a part in Narcos, Mexico where they’re at the border, these Mexican cartel guys, and one of them was telling the other, “Look, Americans have an insatiable appetite.” And this guy was older, he was saying, “Hey, listen, when alcohol was illegal, I was running booze across the border. And now that it’s drugs, I’m running drugs across the border.”

Of course, alcohol is a drug, but a legal one. It’s the insatiable appetite that we have. And it’s not just Americans, it’s modernized, westernized countries. The more modernized and westernized the country becomes, the same things happen.

And you have to start asking yourself, what is that insatiable appetite about? Why do we snort all the cocaine and eat all the food and buy all the stuff, the stuff that we don’t need and it just piles up in our house and we’ve got to give it away? We’ve got so much stuff, we’ve got to give it away, we’ve got to call people to come pick it up.

And I want to be clear about this. I like nice stuff. I like nice clothes. I like nice shoes. I like nice cars. I want a nice house. I don’t have a car or apartment or house right now but it’s something I will have. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting those things or even buying those things. There’s nothing wrong with going out to eat at a nice restaurant, someplace you really want to go, there’s nothing wrong home with it.

What the problem is, is the insatiable appetite, the insatiable appetite, we keep eating, we get fatter, why?

We keep shopping, our closets fill up, we’ve got to give it away, or buy a bigger house with a bigger closet, buy more expensive cars. Some of the guys that I was training in Miami Beach, buy more expensive art. You can buy a painting for a million dollars, and you can also buy a painting for $10 million, or 20 million. You buy 100-foot yacht, but you can also buy 150-foot yacht, it just doesn’t stop, it’s insatiable.

And there’s nothing wrong with progressing and buying things. And I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with capitalism or consumerism, people hate capitalism or consumerism. It’s just like, look, there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s the level. It’s the dose that makes the poison, and we are just out of control with how much we consume with the dose.

And you’ve got to ask yourself, well, why is it? It’s like an addiction. And if you look up…something that’s kind of funny and kind of switching a little bit here. If you look up the medical definition of obesity, it’s not a problem with metabolism, it’s a brain disorder. Let me repeat that again, it’s not a problem with your metabolism, that is bullshit, it’s a brain disorder, specifically, you keep eating and you won’t stop.

You know what also is a brain disorder, addiction. People who can’t stop drinking alcohol, can’t stop snorting cocaine, can’t stop shooting heroin, can’t stop taking opioids. Well, if that’s the case, and we’re all kind of addicts to some extent, what the hell is going on here, right? What the hell is going on here?

And I started to look into this, I started to look up what is, you know, food addiction, by the way, or calling obesity the result of an addiction to food, that’s a really controversial territory and hasn’t been completely figured out. But I want to still talk about it in this way, because it’s helpful to understand. Some of the best breakthroughs in this are coming through, not just from addiction, not just changing obesity, but changing behaviour in general comes from research and inquiry into addiction, because addictions are like habits gone to the extreme.

And so who is at a higher risk for addiction? I looked this up the other day, when you have people in your family who have developed an addiction, whether that’s hoarding, whether that’s gambling, whether that’s alcohol, whether that’s cocaine, whether that’s, you know, whatever it is.

So, if you have people who you’re related to, who’ve developed some type of an addiction or compulsive eating, if you have other mental issues, if you have a high degree of risk taking, adventurousness, if you feel disconnected, if you have a tendency to be obsessive and compulsive, if you have a tendency to be apathetic, where if you have an inability to self-regulate, and it doesn’t have to be all of these, it could just be one, or it could be a combination.

And what I want to propose to you here is that what we’ve established with ourselves when we’re stuck in a cycle of overeating or stuck in a cycle of compulsive shopping, or whatever it is, watching porn, binging on Netflix—I love a great Netflix show. I’m actually watching Apple Plus right now, but I love those show. And actually, Disney Plus – Disney Plus and Apple Plus. I can’t wait for the Boba Fett on Disney plus.

Anyway, the point is this: There’s nothing wrong with some of that stuff, but when it’s replacing…Here’s what I want to say, I’m just going to come out and say it. We really want something else in our life, but we don’t want to do the work, because it’s hard to do the work. You really want a better relationship, but hey, food is tasty, and we can’t have everything, right?

And it would be a lot of work to go to marriage counselling or to work on myself, so I’ll just eat. Or I really don’t like the job that I’m doing. It’s super stressful. I feel like I’m a cog in a wheel. Or even running my business, I don’t like my business anymore. And it’s super stressful, but I kind of like the money and I don’t want to leave my business or sell my business. I don’t feel like I get enough money for it, and go do something that I really be passionate in, so I’ll just drink alcohol instead.

I don’t want to fix my relationships, I’ll just masturbate to porn. It would be really hard to fix the relationship, or even worse, leave the relationship. And by the way, I was there in my relationship, it was super hard to leave, and I was doing other things, with porn included, but other things, too. I was eating, porn, few other things that I was using to medicate myself, because I was too scared to leave the relationship. We were business partners, we’re still business partners, it was tough on both of us to make that happen. But I knew it needed to be done.

And so, what I’m trying to say is, we’re trying to fill the voids with food, alcohol, shopping, porn, could even be casual sex. But what we really want is we want to feel better; we want to feel better; we want better relationships. Do you really want the sex? Or do you really want a great connection where the sex is great because of the connection?

Do you really want the money that you’re getting in your business? Or do you want the money, but you really are in love with what you’re doing in your business, you really love your job? Do you really want food? Or is there something else that is missing in your life, purpose, happiness, a hobby, I don’t know.

And here’s the thing, our society, it will keep selling you the quick fix or the band aid. Why? Because you keep consuming it. Eat more food, because food will never fix your problem, so we can keep selling it to you. And then when you develop problems, because you’re having problems because you’ve got too much fat, because you keep eating a food because the food doesn’t fix your problem, so you keep eating it, and you develop the problems, then our buddies in the pharmaceutical companies can sell you medications that you’ll have to keep taking to manage all the problems that you’ve developed form eating.

So now you’re eating all the food and you’re taking all the drugs, buying all the other things. I don’t believe it’s a conspiracy, folks, I believe it just makes sense as a business model. It’s just not ethical. It’s not healthy. It’s, arguably causing a collapse at some levels of society, but it makes sense as a business model. Not to get too deep. You see it over here, how—I’m in Mexico right now, and I’m in Playa Del Carmen.

And you can see how the cartels, you know, it’s just, you can see how control over selling drugs to Americans or Westerners, other Westerners too, and also Mexicans, rich Mexicans, you can see how it’s created its own thing, its own unhealthy thing. Selling drugs makes sense economically, there’s a lot of money in it. Just not, again, ethical, it destroys people. It’s terrible, but it makes sense as a business, and nobody’s going to stop selling it. Make it illegal.

So, until we start to deal with the deeper issues in our lives, we’re going to keep trying to fill the void with whatever lights our brain up. For some people, it’s drugs. For some people, it’s food. I had a client of mine said, “Look, I’m never going to…” she said this, right? Sarah, who lost 100 pounds with me in the course of a year. She said, “Look, I’m never going to snort meth off of a toilet seat, but I’ll eat food, people will give it to me, people encouraged me to eat, even though I was obese, and developing health problems.” It’s the Christian Moms addiction, it’s what she called. That story always stuck with me. That’s what I learned from my clients, I learned so much from my clients.

And until we are ready to deal with those deeper issues, we’re going to be stuck with these insatiable appetites. I sell coaching, you want to know why? Do you think I have to sell coaching to make money? No, I could be part of the product, and I could even do it in an arguably healthy and ethical way. I could sell supplements. I actually, probably will get into selling supplements. I use supplements. And I know I could tell people “Hey, don’t buy supplements, focus on your nutrition, hire a coach, hire someone to help you, hire new nutritionists, hire a psychologist to work on your relationship with food. People will still buy those supplements, though.”

And I can even tell them, “Don’t listen, don’t do it, don’t buy the supplements”, even though I’m selling them and they’re good quality and you know, work on those other things. But you think people are going to listen to me? People don’t. Like, “Hey, if you’re spending 500 bucks a month on supplements, maybe you should stop taking those supplements and hire me as a coach instead. I’m a little more expensive than 500 bucks a month, but I’ll tell you, if you’re doing that regularly, you’re spending thousands, and you’re still the same level of body fat because supplements aren’t the answer.

I don’t struggle with getting clients for coaching, and I won’t, because people are just getting fatter and more unhealthy, and they’re more scared than ever. And so why am I telling you that? I’m telling you this because I’m hoping to create a shift.

Because here’s the truth: Most of the clients who work with me, they’re already working with coaches. They’re also very successful financially. And they’ve worked with coaches, maybe not with their health, maybe with their health.

I’ve got guys who worked with Ben Greenfield before, Dave Asprey. I’ve had guys who worked with other coaches, women too have worked with other coaches, and they’re already sold on the idea, they’ve already escaped that trap to some extent, and realize that, hey, going to a couple’s retreat is going to be a lot better than going to an all-inclusive resort in Cancun, and getting drunk every night and stuffing yourself with food and getting fatter and more unhealthy and not connecting deeper with your partner. And I’m hoping that you can make that shift too.

Now the people who are already into coaching, you know, they’re already doing well. In fact, I’ll tell you this, and this is just about coaching, but I’ll talk about other things too, because I don’t want you to think that I’m just going to talk about coaching because I’m a coach, although I’m super passionate about coaching and I also just hired a coach for my business and I’m loving the experience. It’s like a coaching group, it’s not just one person, helping me with all types of things, it’s just amazing.

But coaching is something that can take you to the next level, but it’s very hard to make the mental shift to invest in it. Doing retreats is another thing that can take you to the next level. When I went to a retreat in Costa Rica and drink Ayahuasca for four days, changed my life. I can’t even imagine what my life would be like if I hadn’t done that. Now, I’m just using that as an experience.

You don’t have to do a retreat where you drink jungle juice. So many people are so afraid of the Ayahuasca, afraid they’re going to go and never come back. And that’s part of what happens, right? You face the truth of your life. That’s why people don’t want to do it. It’s not that you go insane. It’s that you get sane. You’re like, “Oh my gosh, I’m having the truth of my life shoved in my face.”

Now, it doesn’t work that way for everyone, but for a lot of people, if you’re relatively healthy emotionally, that’s what happens to you, meaning if you’re on this self-development journey and you drink the Ayahuasca, that’s what happens to you. If you’re a narcissistic nut case or really deep in unhealthy behaviors, and you’re not really interested in changing, but you think it’ll be a fun thrill like going on a rollercoaster ride, you probably won’t get that much out of it.

But the point is this: we invest in things that alter our states. We eat some food, “Oh, that’s delicious.” Watch some porn, “Oh, that was hot.” Buy something, “Oh, so exciting.” I used to buy things on guilt.com, feel like you’re getting a deal, and then it comes you’re like, “I don’t really even care that much about these new jeans or this new shirt, new shoes. I like them, but didn’t really change my life.”

Our society sells us on altered states. But what they don’t sell us on are—and this is starting to change, by the way—is altered traits, what makes you a better person? Can you hire someone to teach you a skill and you’ll become a better person, after go to a public speaking class. Join Toastmasters, that’s super cheap, will change your life. Communication skills, one of the most important skills you can ever develop, but emotionally, it’s hard to do. It’s a big step, hard to do, hard to solve those problems.

But I’ll tell you this; if you’re not willing to do that, you’ll never reach the experience that you’re looking for in life. Never!

If you eat, you’ll get fatter and more unhealthy. If you buy more stuff, you get a little happy when you get it, your closet in house and garage just gets filled up with stuff. Even with the cars, you can change your car every two years or however often you change it, change your computer, it’ll never happen for you, until you start finding a balance between buying those things and also investing in yourself.

Now, I even want you to think about— think about all the stuff you have in your house. Think about all the meals you’ve eaten. Think about all the other things that you’ve spent money on. Ask yourself, how much money have you spent, and what did you get in return? What was the return on investment? Not from a cost-benefit, write it down on paper, but from an emotional return on your investment. How much more do you enjoy your life after having those things?

Then think about the other things that you’ve done, because if you’re listening to this show, you probably invested in things, in courses or books. Maybe you have been on retreats. Maybe you have work with coaches, how much emotion return on investment did you get from those? Did you get those altered traits? Did you become a better version of yourself? It comes from doing the hard work.

Think about the therapy you’ve done, think about the marriage counselling you’ve done. I want to tell you, for me, that’s all I want to invest in, pretty much. I’ve got luxury clothes that I spend money on, for sure. I want nice stuff and I like staying in nice places, 100%. And to be honest, I want to stop flying coach. I’m tired of it—for long flights, not on like two-hour flights, but on long flights. I always pay to upgrade those things.

Now those don’t change my life. Although I might be able to make an argument for it; much less stress when you’re seating, when you get, you know, the stress of boarding and you get seated, and it’s just an earlier and you get VIP treatment, and it just lowers stress. So could even make an argument for it. But the thing is this, I spend money on that stuff. But I spend high time looking for things to take me to the next level.

And it’s not always necessarily working with a coach or something like that. I’m getting certified in cave diving. It’s kind of a long process, but I’m taking steps toward it. I’m learning kite surfing. I went to a business event, an entrepreneur meetup—conference, actually.

So, what are those things? Start investing in them and watch your life change. It’s as simple as that, but it’s hard to get ourselves to do it, because our parents didn’t do it most likely, our brains aren’t wired to think that way, and our society certainly doesn’t encourage it.

But 70% of the American population is overweight and obese. That’s not who you want to be, is normal in our society, it’s going to lead to a very unfulfilling and unhealthy life, unhealthy physically, unhealthy emotionally, unhealthy spiritually, even.

But hey, we’ve all got to do what we got to do. I’m not here to force you to do it. But I am here to shine the light on the path. One that I found not just because I’m super smart or smarter than you, I’m probably not smarter than you. But I’ve worked with a lot of smart people, I have gone through a lot of experiences that I grew though, I spent more time altering my traits than altering my states these days and it pays off. You can do it too.

I’ll wrap things up now. I hope you enjoyed this. If this resonated with you, if you felt something from listening here, I would appreciate if you shared it with someone who you feel needs to hear some of this, and that’s all I’ve got. Have an amazing weekend, and I’ll speak to you on Monday.